Reflecting Good Looks

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Bob Cooley explaining the meaning behind and significance of good looks.

Emotional

A Person’s Looks Being a Reflection of How They’re Being, Receiving and Giving Other People Attention, How a Person’s Good Looks Connect Other People to Parts of Themselves, Different Types of Looks, Allowing Your Attention to Be Outside of Yourself to Process Anxiety and Self-Consciousness, Maturing Yourself By Engaging Emotionally With Others and the  World

Small Intestine, Bladder, Sexual, Liver

General, Anxiety, Self-Consciousness

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Transcript

(Revised and Edited For Easier Readability and Additional Clarity)

Let's talk about something that's really important to everybody and which I think means a lot more than people really know about. It's a person's looks. Your looks have a lot to do with your emotionality and your emotionality has to do with your ability to have your attention outside and handle feelings of self-consciousness. But let's get really specific about how this works.

 

So in the emotional world there's four different kinds (general types) of looks. One type of look has a lot to do with being very beautiful. Another look has to do with having great image. Another has to do with persona, incredible persona, and the other look has to do with being handsome or pretty. And I think people know that, generally, people can be like that. And when they're beautiful something happens though and I think that's the part that people need to know about. Because I think people generally just think that if a person's good-looking that they get a lot of attention for being good-looking and say to themselves, "Aren't they lucky for being good-looking?" But I don't think it's so much about looks and I don't think it's about the geometry that you're born with. I think it has to do with how you're being when you're with other people.

 

So there's two sides of this good-looks thing that people aren't talking about. One is that when a person's good-looking, it has something to do with the way they're being with other people. Well, that means in order to really be with another person, you'd have to be giving them attention. So I don't know if you've noticed, but when somebody really wants attention, they're not particularly good-looking. But instead if they give other people attention, it really works much better. And so if you want to be good-looking, why does giving other people attention make you good-looking? Well, the reason why is because when you look at another person and you see them as beautiful, what's happening is that you're actually reflecting the beauty that you see in them. And when you see somebody that has a really great image and you can see things about them that are fabulous qualities, you reflect that like a mirror as your own image to the other person. And when you see somebody else is very special in a particular way (and it could be a physical trait or it could be a personality trait or their intelligence or their values or their spirituality or whatever is really special about that person), then what happens is that it creates an incredible persona in your face. And when you look at another person and can see what you really like about them and the things that are very deeply satisfying about being with them, it shows up as in your face as a handsome or pretty look. So that's really great and now people get to experiment and find out that, when you're giving other people attention, that you're going to become much better looking and, particularly, if you give people attention and can really see things about them that are amazing and attractive qualities.

 

There's a second part of this story that I think nobody ever talks about. So let's say there's a person here that's being beautiful and so they're going to get a lot of attention for being beautiful. And they're getting that because they're giving that much attention out and seeing the beauty in others. But what's not known is that when they reflect your beauty, what happens is their beauty connects you to being self-affirming and that's the value. So the reason why the beauty's so valuable is not just because it's fantastic to look at. It's because it connects you to feelings of self-affirmation. That's great to know. And when you see somebody that has a great image, what they're doing is that they're looking at you and seeing qualities that you have that are very nicely developed and they're reflecting those qualities. And when they reflect those, it connects the other person to feelings of self-esteem. Again, it's not just the look, it's like, what does that do? What does that connect into the other person? What part of them? And that's what makes it valuable, that self-esteem. And when somebody has a great persona, what's happening is that they're looking at another person and they see what's special about that other person. And when they see that and you're the one reflecting that specialness, that specialness becomes like part of the mosaic of your persona. And when you have that and the other person sees that, it connects them to their self-worth. And the last one, when you go deep into a person and find out things that you really like about them (and it could be way beyond anything you know to be reasonable to like about a person, but for whatever reason you really like them), that connects them to self-liking, the deepest form of emotionality. So here we have good looks.

 

Now, I describe four general types of good looks: a beautiful look, an image look, a persona look, and a handsome or pretty look and how those are affecting other people internally when you have those looks. There are 16 genetic personality types and four of them fit into those general categories of those kinds of looks, but they specialize. So some people have iridescent looks. Some people are like a jewel. Some people are totally delightful-looking. Other people are just sexy, it's unbelievable. Other people are perfect-looking. Other people are just angelic or bedazzling. There's a lot of these differentiable qualities for looks. So keep looking and keep seeing what's unbelievably attractive about that person and then when you're reflecting those, you become that which you're looking at and giving attention to. And then the magic occurs because then you connect them to feelings of self-affirmation or self-worth or self-esteem or self-liking and then you get to see that about yourself. It gets returned to you. That's how you get your self-worth. That's how you get your self-affirmation. That's how you get your self-liking. You see it in others and you reflect it. And when they reflect and you connect them to those inside of themselves, that's how you get those qualities. You can't get those inside. You have to go outside of yourself to get those qualities.

 

Now, the funny thing about good looks is that most people get pretty self-conscious when they're good-looking. Well, that's why your attention has to go outside when you're self-conscious. Haven't you seen people trip before and they get really embarrassed because they think they're clumsy? Well, clumsy turns into (if you keep your attention outside) becoming graceful. So if you feel self-conscious, just stay outside. Let your attention be on whatever you think you're self-conscious about and you'll start to get relaxed. Otherwise, you make yourself too tense.

 

I'm just really glad to be able to tell everybody, after spending many years stretching, about how I found the muscle groups that were associated with different brands of emotionality, how it taught me to keep my attention outside and really value what the beauty meant about another person and what effect another person or you are having on each other in terms of emotionality. And when you do that enough, another amazing phenomenon occurs. And that is that you start maturing what you really like. So when you first look at somebody you might think, "Oh, that person's really attractive and I can hardly wait to have sex with them." And if instead of acting on that in that way (but you engage emotionally with the person) you might find out that they would be a great friend to have and that you don't really want to have physical sex with them. And then you start to realize, "Oh my God, there's a maturation in emotionality and intimacy seems to be the foundation." And then it seems to specialize into a physical form of sex, a form of romantic feelings and a form of liking-feelings. And so that initial hit that you have on people emotionally is always intimacy. And if you think about it that way first and wait and engage with people that way, then what ends up happening is that it'll either stay intimate or it will turn into wanting to be physically involved with them sexually or maybe it wants to be a romantic thing or maybe it wants to be a liking thing. So I think knowing this thing about good looks and giving other people attention will allow you to start to mature what it means when you find people attractive. Because most people think they very rarely ever see anybody they're attracted to. I mean, that is nonsense. If you develop muscle growth down the front center of your body that's associated with the sexual meridian in Traditional Chinese Medicine and you meet that personality type that's associated with sexuality, they tell you that sexuality is about intimacy first and then it diversifies into other forms. That's a great thing to know about.

 

So have a great time enjoying everybody else's looks. Engage with people when you find them attractive. Tell them what you find attractive about them. You know how proud you are of yourself when you do that and you find somebody attractive and you say to them, "Wow, you look great." And then an amazing thing happens. When they respond, and only until they respond, do you mature emotionally. You can't do it inside. You have to play in that emotional arena. You have to tell other people when you're attracted to them and what you find attractive in whatever way you do that with them. And when you do that, their response is what matures you. Whether they go, "You're the ugliest thing I've ever seen," or, "Thanks so much, I really like you too." In some ways it doesn't matter how they respond, but their response causes a chemical change in your body that causes maturation. Think about some looks. Have a great time.